Do you remember the children of the Damned? The sons of the weak, the daughters of sinners. We are all the children of the Damned. Every one of us giving into our selfish indulgences for one chance at life, at love, at redemption. We are the children of the Damned, and never once will we think to look back at what were before.
It all started on Thursday February 22, 2007. My group and I were dropped off at the Wiltern Theater at 11:00 pm that night. The show didn’t start until 7:00 pm the following day. So we were there, trying to find any sort of comfort on the dirty freezing sidewalk as gawkers walked past us asking the same questions over and over, wondering out loud why anyone would be crazy enough to sleep on the cold streets for a band. A band. Are they just a band? Did I wait a total of 32.5 hours in line for just some band? Did I do it for them, myself, for glory, to prove myself worthy? No. For me, they are not just some band, it’s something so much more than that. Dir en grey was here, and I’d gladly wait for them even longer than I did.
I know I couldn’t have gotten more than 3 hours of sleep that night, if it could even be called that. One hour was spent huddled inside my sleeping bag with my eyes closed, slowly creeping towards the gentle comfort of sleep until I was jerked awake by my own shaking and shivering. The next hour and a half was spent as I wedged myself between two friends at the front of the line who had much warmer blankets than I, finally able to drift off to sleep before I woke up shaking violently. I clutched at my sleeping bags for the next half an hour, desperately trying to find some source of warmth on the frozen pavement. I eventually gave up and bundled myself up as I walked over to Denny’s to use the restroom, still shaking as I walked. By this time the line was getting long and there were at least 30 people behind my group. I reached the warm restaurant and proceeded to the bathroom. Once inside, I was immediately dizzy. I had to stand against the wall to keep myself up as I let out many deep, throaty coughs that gagged my breathing. I stood up straight and my stomach churned so I forced myself to take in a few slow, deep breaths. Of course, it didn’t work, and I turned around and keeled over as I threw up in the trash can, sighing with the immediate relief that followed. I left and collapsed with my things back in line. Even so, never once did I think any of it was a bad idea. Never once did I regret a single thing that happened. For everything that I went through on those days, I made myself into a stronger person because of it. Dir en grey was here, and hell was freezing over.
The day continued on pretty much uneventful for the most part. I spent a lot of enjoyable time with all the people I talk to all the time but never get to see (I love you all ^^). A few hours before the show my group took turns heading back to the hotel to discard of all our blankets and belongings as well as to change into what we’d be wearing into the show. And this is when the sickness came again. Once our ride drove away for the final time that night we were left there without our longs pants, jackets, and blankets. We stood out there, all huddled together in our shorts or skirts as the biting wind taunted us over and over. The security made us put away all our belongings 3 hours before the show which, may I add, was absolutely ridiculous. Everyone waited out there with the harsh winds before we ever saw the promise of being let inside. I sat on the ground with my friends as we tried to find anything that would make us warm. After a while, I could barely stand it anymore. My eyes felt heavy and I used what energy I had to keep them open. My head lulled to the side and my breathing slowed. I forced myself to get up and run inside the cell phone store we were loitering in front of for shelter. I lingered around for a bit pretending to be interested in the electronics but what I knew would come hit me again. I clasped my hand over my mouth as more and more of the deep and guttural coughs ripped themselves out of my vocal chords. Then came the inevitable nausea. I held my hands over my stomach and breathed in deeply and slowly, receiving a moment of release before I went right back to the discomfort. I couldn’t let this happen, not again and definitely not right before the show. So I focused all of my mind on them. They were the unreachable goal. I closed my eyes and imagined what I would experience in such a short amount of time. I wouldn’t let this happen and I didn’t. With a few more long breaths I felt full relief flush over my body and I finally knew I was going to be alright.
Just as I walked back outside, a group of about 15 people, who obviously spent more time in front of the mirror than they did on dedication, joined in with the two girls in front of us. NO. FUCK NO. I did not wait in line all day and all night in the freezing cold making myself sick to have a group of high and mighty bitches get in front of me at the last minute. As a message to everyone, if you want to be at the front of the venue, then you best be getting there days earlier just like everyone else. We weren’t going to let this fly. The security guards shortly made their way down the lines and we informed them of what happened. Once we told one the story, he immediately turned around and imposed himself on the group. “So everyone, it’s looking to me like you just came up to this part of the line. Now, everyone around you has been here all night but I think it’s pretty funny that this is the first time I’ve been seeing you all. So, I think it’s about time that you get to the back of the line. You see this hand movement? Back of the line.” They all looked at each other rather intimidated and hurt with the same expressions of, “How dare he tell us to go to the back of the line when we rightfully cut here,” written on their faces. He only got about 10 of them to actually leave and I have to say that the dramatics were rather amusing. It was like watching a soap opera when one guy solemnly said that he’d go to the back as his girlfriend objected and look crushed and confused as he left. But those last five held their position so we thought we’d make it simple for them. They opened the doors and the line began to move forward. As they lifted themselves up off the ground, me and mine darted in front of them and took much enjoyment in seeing their confused faces. Fuck you guys ^^
I got through security pretty quickly and, according to my friends, I didn’t give the guard more than 10 seconds to pat me down and check my bag. I ran through the door and got my ticket scanned before I darted off to the merchandise booth where I bought both tour shirts, two wristbands, dog tags, and three copies of the American release of THE MARROW OF A BONE. I was told that if I got into the meet and greet, there would be something on the back of the CD letting me know. Number 1…nothing. Number 2…nothing. Number 3…nothing. Disappointment, but I still had the next day to try. I ran towards the door to the floor and pushed myself inside. I looked around shortly and knew exactly where I wanted to stand. Everyone got in line to get down to Level 1 right in front of the stage but I ran to the direct center of Level 2. I stood in between two other girls and I had the most perfect view in the entire venue. I was level with the stage and no more than 20 ft away with the only thing separating me and the stage being the pit which I could tell from the start was not the place I wanted to be tonight. I could see the entire stage with a perfect, unobstructed view and I was against the small wall used as a barrier.
Not much time went by before Bleed the Dream came on, followed by Fair to
But now, it was time for Dir en grey. The screen on the back wall of the stage lit up and the words “Tour07 Inward Scream” flashed across as the crowd cheered with delight. The Kyo box was brought out and everyone screamed as the words “Arbeit Macht Frei” were secured to the ground. Kaoru Look-alike Roadie played us a few guitar rifts and Hot Roadie graced us with some low vibrating tones on Toshiya’s bass. We cheered for them and my section even started up a chant of “ROADIES! ROADIES! ROADIES!” Boy, were they confused. They both froze and looked at each other before facing our cheers and grinning. Then came the unveiling of Shinya’s drum set, marking the end of the setup process. The lights dimmed and we just went fucking insane. KILL! Everyone had their fists high up on the air, ready to pump on cue. KILL! This was it, Shinya, Toshiya, Die, Kaoru. KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! They were already having fun and you could see it in their eyes when they urged us to scream even louder as if we weren’t loud enough. Already GDS was being drowned out. The screaming and cheering was so loud that at times I couldn’t even hear when we were supposed to be chanting. What I do know is that it was the unabridged version of the song, and Kyo waited until the final seconds to come out on stage. KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! FUCKER!
G.D.S
THE FATAL BELIEVER
AGITATED SCREAMS OF MAGGOTS
THE FINAL
Mr. Newsman
朔 -saku-
GRIEF
京 a cappella #1
愛しさは腐敗につき [Itoshisa ha fuhai ni tsuki] (New lyrics)
孤独に死す、故に孤独 [Kodoku ni shisu, yue ni kodoku]
凌辱の雨 [Ryoujoku no ame]
京 a cappella #1
蝕紅 [Shokubeni]
Merciless Cult
dead tree
OBSCURE
鼓動 [Kodou]
C
THE IIID Empire
CLEVER SLEAZOID
The first set consisted of GDS, The Fatal Believer, Agitated Screams of Maggots, and The Final. From the very beginning, I felt a deep feeling of recognition. They remembered this, they remembered us. Exactly 11 months before on March 23rd 2006 they were in the exact same city in the exact same venue. We had all been here before and we were throwing them a homecoming. From the very beginning they were all on fire. Every time Kaoru succeeded in getting us worked up in his honor, Toshiya felt the need to step it up one notch higher. The whole night it was like a competition for those two. They were playing a game of “Who can get the crowd more riled up.” But Kyo, the man is getting all too used to us. He knows that no matter what he does, we’re going to sing over him. No matter how loud he sings, we’ll scream it louder for him. He knows what we like to yell out the most and you could tell he was enjoying every minute of it. During the chorus of Agitated Screams of Maggots, he knew exactly what we had all been waiting to yell, and we gladly obeyed his wishes. He’d hold the microphone away from his mouth so we could shout, “I’LL RAPE! YOUR DAUGHTER! ON! YOUR! GRAVE!” During those moments, HE was OUR echo. We led with “I’LL RAPE YOUR DAUGHTER!” as he finished with “ON YOUR GRAVE!” During this part of the song, he gave his lyrics to us and it was more than obvious that he didn’t mind at all. The same goes for The Final. The first two lines of the end are his, we let him have it, but then we finish the job. “SO I CAN’T LIVE, SO I CAN’T LIVE!” But we quiet down and let him finish. “Raisui no tsubomi…saAAAAAA…kase….you.” With his arms raised high above his head, he tugged on the end of his microphone to mark his completion. With the exception of a select few, the crowd actually did a pretty good job of staying quiet.
Next came Grief, Mr. Newsman, and saku. Grief is definitely one of my favorite songs off the new album so I was very happy to hear it live for the first time. It’s one of new favorite songs to headbang to, now. Mr. Newsman was AMAZING as always. It’s definitely one of the crowd favorites so I’m happy we got it this night. Really, I think people just like to sing “In my head blue fish….has just diIED!” I don’t think I’ve ever heard so many people scream so many obscenities in unison than I have during saku. But still, no matter how many times I’ve heard it live now, it’s so hard to recognize at first. It takes me a few seconds to realize what it is their playing. Now I just assume that if I don’t recognize it at first, then they’re probably playing saku (it worked the second night).
After this came first Kyo’s first a cappella. He set the microphone down on his box and crawled on top of it, his knees tucked underneath his stomach and his head bent down so his lips crept over the ball of the microphone. What came out of his small, trembling body was the most beautiful, transfixing, hypnotic, and absolutely terrifying sound I’ve ever heard in my lifetime. Kyo mesmerized us all with metaphors of a bird. Calling, singing, echoing into our minds a sound I will not soon forget. He spread his arms back as lights underneath him lit blue, red, green. I couldn’t move, I could only stare. I was one of his fellow birds, enraptured by his call. After this he preceded with Itoshisa ha fuhai nitsuki, Kodoku ni shisu, yueni kodoku, and Ryoujoku no Ame. The alternate live lyrics for Itoshisa are just amazing and I personally enjoy it much more than the recorded version. But for a while I was focused on something far different. (I believe it happened during this song, correct me if I’m wrong, please.) For a while he was bent down and slowly he moved his body back to standing. Hunched over, eyes closed, complete reverence, he touched the right side of his chest, the left, the middle, and his forehead. Father, Son, Holy, Spirit, backwards. He had the same intense focus doing it backwards that a priest would have doing it forwards. He wanted us to see, to stare upon him as he hit us with something as mind blowing as the mere suggestion of an Antichrist. On his neck, Damned. The irony was overwhelming. To say the least, it was chilling. During Kodoku ni shisu, yueni kodoku, Kyo pulled his tool out of his pocket and the second he raised it to his body, I looked away. The more screams I heard, the harder I held my eyes closed. I didn’t look back up until I felt him go silent. He ran his hand over his newly opened wounds and wiped the transfer onto his pained face. I stared at him quietly and all I could focus on was the image of a single tear of blood glistening in the stage lights.
Next came Kyo’s second a cappella which consisted of the most heart wrenching screams I’ve ever heard escape his lips before. Nothing was generic. Every single scream, every single gasp was bursting with an overabundance of emotion. Every single scream had a story to tell, Kyo was just trying to get them to talk.
After this came Shokubeni, Merciless Cult, dead tree, and Obscure. Before I knew it, I completely lost control of myself. Dead tree started playing and I raised both of my hands in the air, intently watching every move the singer made on stage. I moved my body slowly with his until the shift came. “No one wants the present…no one wants the present…” My body was shaking and twitching and as he began to scream I jerked myself back and forth until I couldn’t much move at all. “Naze? Naze? Kurikaesareru…nido to ienai.” I held one arm up in the air and the other clutched onto the back of my head. “Naze? Naze? Kurikaesareru…kareta…kokoro ni.” I reached one arm up into the sky, held myself in place with the other, and threw my head back. I pressed my eyes closed as hard as I could. I didn’t need to see him or anyone. I could hear him, I could feel him. In the heat of the crowd, I felt myself wrapped in a cold embrace and it was almost too painful to bear. I made myself endure it, I forced myself to succumb to the cold.
After Obscure they left the stage and we all began cheering for the encore. After a few minutes they came back on and started up with Kodou. They second I heard the beginning I just about died. Kodou has been one of my favorite songs since I first heard it and it gets to me so much sometimes that I have to turn it off if it every comes up. As if it was a flashback of the first show at the Wiltern, they played it again. The song is so tragic and so beautiful and will always hold a special place with me. After this was C, The IIID Empire, Beautiful Dirt, and Clever Sleazoid. Kyo stood up on his box and held out his microphone for us to yell “DEAD FREEDOM! OHH DEAD FREEDOM!” He ordered us to “JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!” during The IIID Empire which was a command we were all more than willing to oblige. And finally, they ended the show with the promise that one day they would indeed fuck our parents.
Die left the stage before I could even know he was gone and Kyo left shortly after he dumped his newest bucket on his head that read “RAPE ME.” Shinya left after he threw out a handful of drumsticks but Kaoru and Toshiya stayed on stage as long as they could, kissing each pick before throwing them out into the crowd and even lingering long after they had nothing left to throw. They had fun. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if they’re actually having a good time which leaves us to think that they were either not phased altogether or are just exceptionally good at hiding it. If it’s the later, they sure as hell failed this time. They had a GREAT time and it was written clearly on every one of their faces. It was all with good measure, too, as this show was 10 times better than some I’ve seen on the concert DVD’s before. Best of all, they looked happy. I’ve seen them satisfied, I’ve seen them smile, but I’ve never seen them look that happy after a show before. The Wiltern alone could have left me fulfilled for the longest time but I still had another night to go. Next came the Avalon…
Due to some confusion and my friends being overly tired after the Wiltern, we all went back to the hotel to sleep for a short while and arrived at the Avalon at about 6:30 am with about 30 people ahead of us. As if we were being taunted by the horrible conditions the day before, all of
Nothing much happened until the afternoon when we all found out that in order for Dir en grey and their staff to get inside of the venue, they had to walk from their tour bus parked out on the street and down the sidewalk, making a pilgrimage that headed towards the fans until they got into the stage entrance that was about 20 yards away from the beginning of the waiting line. I’m very happy to report that they were not bothered. Toshiya and Die came out first and walked down but for the most part, everyone ignored them. Sure a lot of people, myself included, watched them as they came out, but we left them alone. But I do have to say that it was so bloody entertaining when Kaoru came out. A group of guys hanging out at the front of the line had begun to play a card game and whoever lost was to be punched in the crotch by the person who beat them. Well, Kaoru came out and one of the guys lost. So there we are, a whole group of people laughing their heads off as we watched one guy prepping himself to be punched in the balls and another creeping closer to him with a pair of leather gloves in his hand all the while Kaoru is walking in our direction and just staring at us all. It was priceless. Shinya came in and Kyo was last wearing an army green colored military style hat and matching jacket. I have to say that he looked pretty damn awesome.
A short while later they began the sound check and due to the setup of the club, as long as you were close to the walls you could pretty much hear very well what was going on inside. In order to get the best sound quality, though, me and a small group of people (Donica, Maria, Bianca,
My group began to pack up our things and two of my friends gathered up all the blankets and headed for the hotel while the rest of us held our spot in line. Once we were all back we waited the rest of the time in what we planned to wear inside, the only things we were carrying being my small bag to stuff merch inside of, and Shinya’s birthday present to be dropped of at the merch booth by
The Avalon’s less organized manner of getting people inside the venue actually proved to be far more efficient than the line at the Wiltern. Everyone filed in, got their bags checked, and didn’t have to go through with being groped by security guards this time. And thus started the countdown, my countdown, I was put into place and every move that I made after this point was mapped out by…destiny? Fate? Luck? I was feet away from the doorway that had no in line to have their ticket taken but something blocked the path so, thinking we weren’t supposed to go in through there, I jump over to the next line. Someone’s causing a holdup and I see my friends going into the empty line so I jump over the barrier and go in through there. In a hallway with crimson red floors there’s stairs that lead up and two paths on each side of that. I take the left and I’m met with merchandise booth right around the corner. I move closer to it and someone gets in my way so I jump off to the side, grab the already prepared $45 out of my pocket and reach out my hand to the closest person. “Three of the new CD!” The man takes my money and stores it away then, appearing to go at sloth-like speeds and making sure the bottom is never exposed, takes one CD from the far right stack, another from the stack to the left of it, and the last CD from the stack to the left of that one, then hands them over to me and moves on to the next person. I quickly move off to the side and flip the CD’s so the backs will face me. Number one…nothing. Number two…nothing. Number three…GUEST. At least, that’s as much as I could see before my heart began to leap back and forth against my ribs and my spine. Within a split second I covered up that CD with the first two and clutched them against my chest. My thoughts were incomprehensible but I must have been saying something because I got Donica’s attention. All I could think of at the time was, “GUEST. PIT. GUEST. PIT. GO! NOW!”
I sprinted off to the pit and got myself a spot about four people back and it took me a moment to realize that everyone around me was sitting or kneeling. I dropped myself to the ground and sat on my knees, realizing now that I was having much difficulty breathing and my hands were shaking like I was going absolutely mad. Donica got a spot right next to me and once she was sitting I grabbed onto her and leaned in to tell her the news as best I could while attempting to sound coherent and was quickly met with an “OH MY GOD!” I was still shaking and I really couldn’t stop no matter how much I wanted to calm down. I shoved the three CD’s into my bag along with Donica’s two (with Victoria and Elly’s four and Kei and Melissa’s two I had 11 CD’s in my bag by the time the show started) and turned to my right to find Victoria and Elly share with them, too. Then, I saw Stephanie off to my right and communicated with her through the most abstract sign language in existence that pretty much involved pointing to myself, pointing to the stage, and mimicking getting an autograph. Once she understood, her face was priceless and her mouth looked like it had dislocated. Somehow, with me only ever verbally telling Donica next to me, the people around me seemed to have found out and enjoyed mentioning it out loud. I held onto my bag like I needed it to live. To the people that I did tell, people that I’ve known for a while now, it was not my intention to make it seem like I was bragging so if it seemed that way then I apologize deeply. Really, I was just thinking that there was a slim chance I’d see these people after the show and I wanted to let them know. If you thought I was bragging, that wasn’t my intention at all and I apologize.
After about 30 minutes of kneeling on the ground and my knees turning into jelly, the security allowed us stand up and I got to my feet faster than I ever thought I could. Two girls in front of me were taking far too long so I jumped over them and wedged my arm between two girls against the railing, marking my position in the second row. From then on, the pushing never really ceased. It slowly got worse the closer Dir en grey came to getting onstage but, in my opinion, it never really got that bad. People all around me were complaining about the pushing and I had to constantly save the tiny Chinese girl next to me from slipping or being pushed in ways where she was being suffocated but I never felt uncomfortable at all. Then again, the first concert pit I was ever in was where about 1000 people were shoved into an old movie theater meant to accommodate about 200 with no air conditioning, causing the temperatures at the front to literally reach about 130 degrees and me leaving wetter than I would have been if I had jumped into a swimming pool. So yeah, Dir en grey fans shouldn’t complain so much about the pushing.
Bleed the Dream came on and there were doing a really good job. Musically, I prefer Fair to
Once their set was done, Dir en grey’s roadies came out and began to set up for out band. As usual, everyone cheered for Hot Roadie and Kaoru Look-alike Roadie when they hit those guitar and bass rifts and everyone cheered even more for Kyo’s box. Finally, I got to see it really up close and I could make out the designs on the crate. In the background is a human skull with a fully bloomed flower sprouting out the top of it and some type of animal’s hoof hovering above it looking about ready to stomp. Scripted across this image reads the words “Arbeit Macht Frei” and down in the right corner, very small and barely noticeable, the familiar phrase “MAD STALIN.” By far, this is my favorite Kyo Box. By the time Shinya’s drum set was unveiled, people (still not me though) were starting to feel the pain of the push. Dir en grey, I’m sure knowing that the fans would have probably obeyed the lyrics more than they should, made a smart move and didn’t come out to GDS. They walked out on stage one by one with Kyo heading up the back and opened up with THE FINAL…
THE FINAL
GRIEF
AGITATED SCREAMS OF MAGGOTS
THE DEEPER VILENESS
Spilled Milk
朔 -saku-
京 a cappella #1
愛しさは腐敗につき (Lyrics changed) [Itoshisa ha fuhai ni tsuki]
孤独に死す、故に孤独 [Kodoku ni shisu, yue ni kodoku]
audience KILLER LOOP
京 a cappella #2
OBSCURE
Merciless Cult
凌辱の雨 [Ryoujoku no ame]
dead tree
Pink Killer
C
CLEVER SLEAZOID
Beautiful Dirt
THE III D EMPIRE
The first part of the set was very similar to the night before and I noticed that both Kaoru and Toshiya were at it again to see who could get the crowd more excited. Instead of THE FATAL BELIEVER, I got to experience first hand the slow and heavy beats of THE DEEPER VILENESS and conformed my body to the melody for the whole song. During Spilled Milk (I believe it was this song), Kyo stood off to the left of his box and tensed his body up straight so his chin was resting on his chest that was sticking out. His fingers slowly graced his sides and he spat out a drop of saliva that landed on the left side of his abdomen. He slipped his hand down to that spot and rubbed it into himself in slow circular motions around the length of his torso until he was glistening in the dancing lights. There’s no other way to describe it…it was fucking hot.
Kyo’s first a cappella came but I didn’t get to enjoy it this much this time. No matter how much I tried to ignore the commotion, it was hard to focus on him when a girl close to me had to get pulled out of the pit and got stuck when the security guard was attempting to pull her out. Once she was out, there wasn’t much left, but then came Itoshisa ha fuhai ni tsuki. The lights dimmed down to a bluish green glow that focused on the radiating man on stage. He had moved off to the left a bit, just in front of Toshiya, and I had a perfect view. His microphone rested inside of a stand and he laid the dead weight of his arms onto his amplifier. At times, the microphone was almost unnecessary. Even over our screams, standing so close to me, I could hear cries over everyone. He’s such a small man but his voice is stronger than anyone I’ve ever heard. One hand falls from the microphone, then the other. Slowly, gently, gracefully, he walked to the side of the stand, around the front, and returned back to his original place, fully circling his instrument as if it were his prey. His prey, that he admired, that he cherished, that he longed for. The prey that he loved. Into his song he swept, luring his willing victim into a mesmerized state with new words to entice it with. The beauty…it was frightening.
Kodoku ni shisu, yue ni kodoku. Again he slipped his tool out from his pocket and held it up to his mouth, pulling off the clear cap spitting it aside. This time, I couldn’t look away. In front of me I stared at my own anguished terror, all around me, I was suffocated with brutal hypocrisy. People who said they never would, and in the heat of the moment, were loudest of all. The screams were deafening, and not to my ears. But there I remained, standing perfectly still and silent. I just watched and stared at his as he fulfilled himself. The image, the sound, burned into my mind.
It was Kyo’s second a cappella, the last one I would probably ever hear. God, it scares me how perfectly chilling and amazing his voice is. Such strength produced out of such weakness. I could taste the bittersweet irony of it all. I had been excited before, but it all seemed so petty compared to this. For the first time now, I had actually felt my heart stop. I could feel myself dying and I wasn’t revived until he ended that final ear-splitting cry. Even once he had ended, I still couldn’t speak. He had stolen my scream.
Skipping to dead tree, I had been so affected up to this point that I didn’t need to look at him in order to feel him. “Naze? Naze? Kurikaesareru…nido to…ienai.” He stood atop his crate and held out his arms to us, giving us his body in the replication of the crucifix. In the return, I gave him myself. I lifted up my arms to him and held my eyes shut. I could see him, through my black shades, I could see every move he made and never once did I have to open my eyes. “Naze? Naze? Kurikaesareru…kareta…kokoro ni.” I gave to him everything I have to offer. For the rest of my life…I gave him myself. My body, my heart, my mind, my soul, they were all my sacrifice.
After the blow to my heart and my mind, they filed off the stage and left us all to sing Shinya “Happy Birthday” probably 20 times in a row before he was the first to come back on. Once he was on stage, we sang it again twice more and he acknowledged us with a bow at his drum set. At the start of the encore, I knew it was time to toss aside all previous inclinations and inhibitions and have some pure goddamn fun for now. Pink. Fucking. Killer. Before this day I could have never imagined that we’d be all treated to such a surprise but there it was and I took full advantage to move my body faster than I ever thought I could. The song has a lightning fast tempo and I somehow found a way to slam down my head to every single beat in the song (it’s a mixture of alternating moving you head with your knees and being on an adrenaline high). When I did come up for air, I was a bit disappointed to see that many of the people around me seemed far too unfamiliar with the song. But needless to say, I was unphased. I don’t think people have really been recognizing just how amazing it is to have them play this song live. The song was reaching its end and Kyo stood on top of his box to stare us all down. I wanted to hear these screams, I knew what was supposed to be here and I wanted to hear it. But he never made a move. He just stood there, surveying us with a wild look in his eyes. “Give me this. Show me that it’s not all for loss. For once, prove something to me.” So me and those who knew did. “DEAD AND DEAD KILLING CHILD! DEAD AND DEAD KILLING CHILD! DEAD AND DEAD KILLING CHILD!” He jumped off and I could finally scream for him. All around me (I wish I were kidding here), people were staring at me as I had a huge grin of joy plastered on my face. Whatthefuckever. Lern2Direngrey.
We offered our dead freedom to Dir en grey and were returned with having our parents fucked. We waded through the beautiful dirt and eventually reached the technological kingdom. Finally, after missing it twice now, I got to see Die’s solo at the beginning of The IIID Empire and whether the people around me wanted to or not, I made them follow Kyo’s commands of “JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!” It seems that as quickly as it had begun, it ended but I was more than thoroughly fulfilled. Die stuck around this time to pass out his fair share of guitar picks along with Kaoru and Toshiya. Kyo was gone after the RAPE ME bucket had been emptied onto his head and Shinya came to the front of the stage to toss out a handful of drumsticks. He threw one spinning up into the air and it fell back down two feet in front of him…on the stage. He stared at it for a quick moment and bent down to pick it up and throw it again, obviously trying to hide a smile. However, when thrown properly, this stick came to land in an area about 5 feet from where I stood, and everyone in a 15 foot radius of it all jumped to that spot to try and catch it. Physics seemed to be against us as a huge pile of people went crashing to the ground. Once I was on the floor, it was no longer about getting the prize, it was about getting up as quickly as possible so as to not, well, have a chance of dying down there. I jumped up within a second and was knocked back down so I pulled myself out of the pile again and as I was crouched close to the ground, Kaoru’s water bottle cap fell from the sky and hit me…in the boob. I grabbed it and stood up and now consider it to be my most treasured item. I want to be buried with this worthless piece of plastic that holds only comedic value to me, so don’t any of you forget that, okay?
It seems that before any of us even had time to catch our breaths, the security guards were rushing us out of the club like we were a herd of cattle. But I was allowed to stay. I pushed and squeezed my way to the front of the merchandise line and asked where I was supposed to meet for the meet and greet. She told me to wait to the side of the bar so I bought an extra tour shirt and two posters and pushed and squeezed my way back out. No one at the bar looked as if they were waiting for anything so I asked the first security guard I could find where I was supposed to go.
Me: “Excuse me! Where am I supposed to go for the meet and greet?”
Guard: “The what?”
Me: “The meet and greet.”
Guard: “What’s that?”
Me: “It’s where you get to meet that band. I was told to go to the side of the bar but no one’s here.”
Guard: “Do you have a pass or something?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Guard: “Ok let me see it.”
Me: *shuffles through the bag to pick the CD with the pass out of the collection* “Here.” *shows*
Guard: “Ok, you go right over there.” *points to the side of the stage in front of the now drawn curtain*
Well played, Mr. Guard, well played. I quickly scuffled over to the line that only held about 6 or 7 people at this time. I stood off to the right side of the line and gathered my things together, knowing that we probably had a little bit of time before we were let in. As I was sorting out my things, a girl behind me tapped me on the shoulder.
Girl: *tap tap* “Hey, who’s pick is this? *holds up guitar pick* She *points to another girl* says it’s Toshiya’s.”
Me: *no hesitation* “It’s Kaoru’s.”
Girl: “Really? I didn’t catch it, just found it on the ground so I don’t know.
Me: *You’ve-gotta-be-kidding-me-face* “It says JAPANESE ZOMBIE HEROES on it. It’s Kaoru’s.”
I don’t want to comment anymore on that little tidbit. During one point while waiting, a girl came up and asked if we were in the meet and greet line. I told her that we were and we got in because we all got the passes on the back of the CD. She wanted to know if she could pay to get in, I told her she was out of luck. I checked to see if either of the two posters I bought were signed but, of course, with all the luck I had in getting the meet and greet, they weren’t. I took three CD’s out of bag, unwrapped them, and took out the cover booklet because I had planned to get Die’s autograph for Victoria, Kaoru’s for Stephanie, and Kyo’s for Donica (if he decided to show up). Once the venue was cleared and everyone was in line, Harry and another man came out and started to take some of the fans in. They were looking for people with wristbands. If you had one they’d let you in first, or, at least, that’s what I thought what was happening, but that wasn’t exactly the case. The Japanese girl behind me looked overly confused so I explained to her what was happening but she didn’t understand a word I said so her friend translated to her but still she looked worried, she had every right to be. Once everyone else was let in it was down to me, the Japanese girl, and one other girl. We stood there neglected for a small amount of time before a man came up to us, the same man I recognized from before who greeted me and my friends with “Hi girls!” during the sound check.
Man: “Do you guys have wristbands?”
Me: *the three of us getting obviously scared at this point* “No, we weren’t given wristbands. We just have the Meet and Greet pass.”
Man: “Oh……well…….I can’t you in then……….”
We all looked well bloody terrified as he muttered the last bit of the sentence. I mean, what were we to do? None of us wanted to stand for this since we had all fairly received the guest passes and were never told and never given what, I guess, was the second pass needed. He ran off and got Harry who came over to us and seemed much more calm and collected than the previous man. In his hands he held a few papers and one long purple wristband that had the letters MG on each end.
Harry: “So none of you have wristbands?”
Me: *other girls can’t seem to talk so I speak up* “No, none of us were given wristbands. We got the Meet and Greet passes and were told to come over here but were never given wristbands.”
Harry: “Ok here.”
He took the wristband he was holding and shoved it in my direction. My eyes must have nearly popped out of my skull but without a moment’s hesitation I grabbed it from his hand and ran down the small slope to the stage curtain that someone held open for me so I looked back only once to see Harry talking to the other two girls and pushed my way past the threshold to the Meet and Greet. Most of the other people were standing off to the left and talking to one another and I separated myself a little off to the right holding my silver sharpie, tour shirt, and three CD booklets. Nora came out and surveyed the small crowd. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…ten! That’s everyone!”
After about a minute, Kaoru was the first to come out and he stood right next to me for a little before he was directed to stand against the stage and in front of everyone. Again, I find it so hard to describe Kaoru and how he carries himself. The man just radiates coolness (in every sense of the word) and is the epitome of a rock star. Seriously, the way he looked at that point made it seem like he was never on stage in the first place. He looked like he had just gotten dressed for the morning when, in reality, he had just finished playing a 2 hour long rock concert. Next out was Die, who stood right in front of me and was holding at both ends a white towel that was hanging over his shoulders. The second he stepped out, he looked happy and had a small smile painted on his lips. Once I started looking at him, I couldn’t help but have a big smile planted on my face. He looked around at the fans, starting from the end opposite where I was standing and slowly moved down his eyes to me. I was still smiling a stupid smile but now looking at him face to face. When he saw me, he gave me his huge, trademark, melt-the-hearts-of-a-thousand-girls Die Smile. I could have DIED. It was so very unlike me but it’s so damn true what they say about that smile. It MELTS you. It’s INTOXICATING. I couldn’t do anything BUT blush like crazy and give in return a smile 10 times bigger than the one I already had that didn’t even come close to amounting to the one he gave me. I’m entirely greedy and selfish on this one. That was MY smile. Mine. Not yours. MINE.
Next out was Toshiya who stood next to Die, followed by Shinya (cue the fangirl squeals…srsly) who stood between Kaoru and Toshiya. The four of them, the complete Meet and Greet group, looked out at us, but I was still waiting for one more. He never came. Really, I’m not upset about it. Sure, I’m disappointed that he wasn’t there but I know that he gets really tired after shows and often goes to bed right after. Plus, after showing up to Meet and Greets where he’s asked to sign girl’s body parts or clothing while they’re still being worn or just not being approached at all, I can’t really blame him for not wanting to participate. I know that one day I will get my chance to thank him, and that was not it.
After somewhat of an awkward pause, Nora, who seemed to be a little stunned at the fact that we were all being so well behaved and just stood there until instructed to move, informed us that we were free to go up to the band now. I headed straight for Die since he was the closest one to me and handed out my shirt and silver sharpie to him and asked him if he would autograph it. He smiled and took it and as he was signing the shirt I said…
Me: “I heard you’ve been sick. Are you better now?”
Die: *looks at me* “…………….uuhhhhhhhh……….”
Me: *trying so hard not to laugh* “I heard…you were…sick. Are you…ok now?”
Die: *good effort to understand me shown in facials* “……….oh! Yes! Yes!”
So what if he lies about speaking English, he was being super nice to me and that was damn funny (and by funny I mean fucking adorable). He gave me back the shirt and I almost forgot to have him sign the CD booklet but I luckily remembered at the last moment and he signed it for me. I held out my hand to him and he took it, we both shook hands and bowed to the other, and I moved to my left to Toshiya who, by the way, was looking incredibly hot with his curly and sweaty Asian fro.
I asked Toshiya if he would sign my shirt and he nodded and took it from my hands. He was about to sign it with his black sharpie but I offered him my silver one instead. When he went to grab for mine, he accidentally dropped his on the ground. We both bent down to reach for it…at the same time. Seeing that the other was going for it, we both stood back up…at the same time. We looked at each other briefly and laughed and then went down again to reach for the black sharpie…again at the same time. This time He reached down to the floor to grab it and I stood back up straight and grinned. He signed my shirt at the bottom in a very large print and, actually by accident, I handed him one of the CD booklets to sign as well. By now, my silver sharpie had completely died so he had to sign it using his black sharpie. I thanked him and we shook hands and I moved over to Shinya.
Shinya, just as Kaoru, looked absolutely perfect like he hadn’t been beating the shit out of a drum set for the past two hours. I swear the man doesn’t have any sweat glands. I asked him if he would sign my shirt and he nodded. He went to reach for my silver sharpie but I told him it was dead so he opened up his black one. He went to write on the whitish parts of the shirt, but the pen wouldn’t write. He pushed on it again and I helped him to hold the shirt straight but it still wouldn’t write and we both laughed a bit. I told him he should put the shirt on the table and do it like that so it did and he finally was able to autograph it for me. When he handed it back, I said, “Oh, Happy Birthday, Shinya!” to which he replied, “Oh, Sankyuuuu! ^^ *smile smile*” The Raquel on the outside just smiled and glowed at him but the Raquel on the inside was squealing, “OMFG YOU’RE SO FUCKING CUTE!!!” Don’t deny it, people. You know he is. Oh, and he totally understands way more English than Die does.
Lastly I got to Kaoru who currently had no fans waiting around him. I held out my shirt to him and asked if he would sign it for me and he nodded. Before Kaoru could even grab hold of it, the man next to him was freaking out and quickly trying fold the shirt in a way where he would have room to sign, to which both me and Kaoru just gave reactions of, “Ummmmmm………kay.” He signed the shirt and I thanked him for such a great show that night and we both bowed to each other.
I stepped back and watched as the rest of the people finished getting their autographs and noticed that Kaoru Look-alike Roadie was off to the side taking video of the Meet and Greet. Nora walked over to where Kaoru was and asked allowed if everyone had had a chance to meet Kaoru. When no one responded that they hadn’t, she told him he could leave. As he was walking away, I tapped him on the shoulder and extended my hand to him so we shook hands, bowed, and I thanked him once again. Shinya was next to leave and once he was gone, I crossed back over to where I had been standing at the before the meet and greet started. Once everyone was done with Toshiya and Die, we all waved goodbye and smiled to them as they were leaving. I said out loud “Thank you for Pink Killer!” and they acknowledged me and left.
We were quickly ushered out from the backstage area and I thanked Harry as I left while he was standing to the side of the curtain. Avalon employees were rushing around like crazy trying to get the club opened for the night and once I exited through the front door, I saw a rather thick line of club-goers waiting to be let inside. I looked around to find my friends and it didn’t look like many fans were left waiting outside. Once I found my group and started walking towards them, they saw me and all started to smile and I returned a huge fuck-it-I’m-going-to-fangirl-right-now grin. They asked me how it was and the only thing I could manage to say was, “…oh my god.” I handed Die’s autograph to Victoria and Kaoru’s to Stephanie who just looked incredibly giddy because she didn’t expect that she’s be getting anything out of it. I spent the walk back to the hotel attempting to coherently retell my story but I don’t think I succeeded very much.
When we all got back to the hotel, we tossed our stuff into our respective piles and my friends crashed but I was the last to get in bed. I put away my newly signed merchandise, turned off the lights, and crawled into bed, marking the end of the best weekend I had ever experienced. I lay there, my feet aching, my ears ringing, my ribs and sides throbbing, my legs bruised, my head pounding, and my breath still unable to catch up to my heart beat. If pain is what I have to endure in order to feel alive, then let me live the rest of my life in agony.
CD with guest pass
Guest pass detail (Dir en grey design instead of Wiltern design from night before)
Autographed T-shirt
Shirt Detail
Autographs Circled (Shinya and Kaoru hard to see in picture, but it's there)
Toshiya autographed CD (Flash used so you can actually see it)
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